Bear’s Confusing Situation
A strange thing has been happening the past couple of weeks: I keep getting hit on by women. Beautiful women in their 20’s and 30’s. Not coy little flirtations but assertive, unambiguous flirting. If I were a straight guy, I’d be in heaven. The problem, of course, is I’m not a straight guy.
This is happening so frequently that it’s starting to make me angry. I don’t know the polite way to let a woman know I’m not interested, other than looking uncomfortable and changing the subject. Should I tell these women I’m gay? Why should I have to “come out” to a perfect stranger? Do I need to buy one of those buttons that says “Sorry girls, I'm gay”?
And what makes me the most angry is this: Why aren’t I getting hit on by MEN? Am I caught up in the wrong morphic field? Am I sending out the wrong pheromones? Is God playing a big practical joke on me?
If even a small percentage of what The Secret says is true, shouldn’t I be attracting what I think about the most? What I think about the most is – well, it ain’t women.
Just to clarify my intentions (are you listening, universe?), what I’m seeking to attract is more along these lines...
In the meantime, if anyone has any advice on how to politely deal with these misguided women, or how to better align my intentions with the universe, please let me know. This is a confusing situation for a bear...
This is happening so frequently that it’s starting to make me angry. I don’t know the polite way to let a woman know I’m not interested, other than looking uncomfortable and changing the subject. Should I tell these women I’m gay? Why should I have to “come out” to a perfect stranger? Do I need to buy one of those buttons that says “Sorry girls, I'm gay”?
And what makes me the most angry is this: Why aren’t I getting hit on by MEN? Am I caught up in the wrong morphic field? Am I sending out the wrong pheromones? Is God playing a big practical joke on me?
If even a small percentage of what The Secret says is true, shouldn’t I be attracting what I think about the most? What I think about the most is – well, it ain’t women.
Just to clarify my intentions (are you listening, universe?), what I’m seeking to attract is more along these lines...
In the meantime, if anyone has any advice on how to politely deal with these misguided women, or how to better align my intentions with the universe, please let me know. This is a confusing situation for a bear...
Labels: G.Bear
posted by Darrell Grizzle | 11:14 PM
8 Comments:
I usually just assume they are progressive women of the world and start talking about my BF (even when I don't have one) or my Ex...
this made me chuckle. I have the same problem, especially at work. It usually doesn't help to tell them I'm gay, since straight men don't believe in lesbians, just threesomes. :)
these women are probably just sensing that you are safe. You have no idea how incredibly attractive that is.
I tend to ignore it as if nothing happened. In fact, I often don't notice it happening until a third party points it out, but if I happen to notice I tend to ignore it, change the subject, find reason to walk away. I'm chicken like that.
In extreme cases, however, I have been known to say, "I'm sorry, but I don't date women," or something along those lines. If I can find a humorous way to handle it, I will take it, like saying, "It would never work out, we'd always be watching the same men and end up competing." Depends on the situation, of course.
I'm with you on the not attracting what I most think about thing, though. I mean, seriously . . .
:)
-Neil
No worries! A real woman is here to comment...
All it means is that you are exuding self-comfort. You are much more centered at this point in your life, and you do start to radiate when priorities are like yours.
You're not needy. You're not grabby. You have a wonderful presence. All of that is very comforting and wonderful - especially to the sort of attractive woman that you seem to be discussing.
Take it for what it is.
I don't think it has anything to do with your intention. It has to do with your own "aura" (as it were). Some women find it so wonderful to be near a man that makes things fun and easy that they can confuse it with sexuality. Some women don't really know how to have male friends. (It's the same for men - no revelation here.)
It's very easy to deal with the situation itself.
Just look her in the eye while giving her some kind of compliment that is sincere ("you're looking terrific today," "you're really fun" etc).
This is for her to save face. If you can't think of anything to say that you would mean, skip this step.
Then - "I really like you, but I feel uncomfortable with where this seems to be going."
If you feel all right with it, you can just say - "I'm gay, so let's start again, ok"?
If not, then the regular simple refusal is enough because it doesn't really matter - if you're not interested in someone, it's kind to let them know. Just like you would if it were a guy coming on to you, and you weren't interested in him.
But I'm really here just to tag you and to check out your coffee schedule for the next couple of weeks.
If you're really desperate to get rid of someone, I'd be happy to pose as your girlfriend (lol).
As someone who's been hit on numerous times by someone of the "opposite orientation" - I can relate, at least partially.
Not sure what to tell you, although your friends here have offered some good advice.
I will say that picture of Christopher Meloni is something. Even as a straight guy I can certainly see that's a pretty attractive dude! ;-)
I am so embarrassed that I tagged you for a meme that we both did less than a year ago. How very depressing.
I have had a similar experience and sentiment, although I am married and straight. I married my first true love and was never hit on anyone that I found attractive... Until I got married.
Heidi is right. It's about the unconscious confidence that women can sense and that is the most attractive trait since it is something kind of protective in a comforting sort of way without being egotistical. Twyla noted that as well. Even the strongest women like comfort in safety - my wife included. When I got engaged I stopped caring about what women thought. And then they started noticing me - a lot. And I think it was all because I was so transparent.
Here's the catch. Since then I also have been cruised by more gay men as well.
So whatever the intangible is that gay men find in another is what is attractive. It's a theory from my own limited view, but it is a curious question I would like to know.
I mean other than Christopher Meloni's pecs, what is it that you find attractive in another man? And it is the intangible vibe I am looking for, not the ostensible things like "sense of humor" or "likes jazz". What is that transparent quality in the other that you look for?
Sorry if these are a bit forward question since I have never even posted here... :-)
Well, I had something similar happen to me in my grad school days. It was soon after I started coming out of the closet to my closest friends, and starting to accept my orientation, that I found myself being chased by four women at the same time.
I didn't make sense to me at the time, but I think Heidi is on to something.
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