Prayers for Rev. Ted Haggard
I’ve gotten several emails from friends asking what I think about the big story in the news about allegations that Rev. Ted Haggard paid to have sex with a gay prostitute. Here's the CNN news story.
As a gay man, the main thing I feel about Rev. Haggard is sadness. If the allegations are true, it means he led a tortured double-life, proclaiming to believe one thing (homosexuality is a sin) while secretly behaving in a totally different way. In psychological terms it’s called “cognitive dissonance.” I know what that’s like, because that’s how I lived from ages 20 to 32 – my closeted “zombie years.” It’s a hellish existence, filled with shame and self-hatred. It’s truly a miracle I didn’t end up schizophrenic. I could have very easily fallen into using dangerous drugs, like Haggard may have (he has admitted to buying crystal meth, a drug that is rampant in the gay community), and I’m very grateful I didn’t.
Turns out Rev. Haggard wasn’t quite the raving conservative that much of the press has made him out to be. The GetReligion blog has an entry by Terry Mattingly that makes some points about how “moderate” Haggard was, at least in evangelical terms. Mattingly references a statement on homosexuality adopted by the National Association of Evangelicals under Haggard’s leadership – defining same-sex relations a “sin” that, “if persisted in . . . excludes one from the Kingdom of God.” Mattingly makes much of that clause, “if persisted in,” which I guess implies a kinder, gentler form of homophobia. (???)
Yes, Rev. Ted Haggard is a hypocrite, as countless blog entries have stated and many news stories have implied. He preached against a “sin” (two sins, if you count illegal drug use) that he himself may have indulged in. Ironically, last Sunday, before this news story broke, Rev. Haggard prayed from his church’s pulpit, “Father, help us this next week and a half as we go into national elections. And, Lord, we pray for our country. We pray that lies will be exposed. We pray that deception will be exposed.”
But I choose not to respond to the news about Rev. Haggard with gloating or with self-righteous indignation. I remember the words of Jesus (“Let the one without sin cast the first stone”) and I choose to respond with prayer:
prayer that Rev. Ted Haggard will experience true healing in his life and learn to accept himself as God created him to be;
prayer that Rev. Haggard’s wife and 5 children will find love and support from their faith community, not exclusion;
prayer that others leading double lives will see the tragedy of this story and choose to come out of their own closets of self-hatred and shame.
As a gay man, the main thing I feel about Rev. Haggard is sadness. If the allegations are true, it means he led a tortured double-life, proclaiming to believe one thing (homosexuality is a sin) while secretly behaving in a totally different way. In psychological terms it’s called “cognitive dissonance.” I know what that’s like, because that’s how I lived from ages 20 to 32 – my closeted “zombie years.” It’s a hellish existence, filled with shame and self-hatred. It’s truly a miracle I didn’t end up schizophrenic. I could have very easily fallen into using dangerous drugs, like Haggard may have (he has admitted to buying crystal meth, a drug that is rampant in the gay community), and I’m very grateful I didn’t.
Turns out Rev. Haggard wasn’t quite the raving conservative that much of the press has made him out to be. The GetReligion blog has an entry by Terry Mattingly that makes some points about how “moderate” Haggard was, at least in evangelical terms. Mattingly references a statement on homosexuality adopted by the National Association of Evangelicals under Haggard’s leadership – defining same-sex relations a “sin” that, “if persisted in . . . excludes one from the Kingdom of God.” Mattingly makes much of that clause, “if persisted in,” which I guess implies a kinder, gentler form of homophobia. (???)
Yes, Rev. Ted Haggard is a hypocrite, as countless blog entries have stated and many news stories have implied. He preached against a “sin” (two sins, if you count illegal drug use) that he himself may have indulged in. Ironically, last Sunday, before this news story broke, Rev. Haggard prayed from his church’s pulpit, “Father, help us this next week and a half as we go into national elections. And, Lord, we pray for our country. We pray that lies will be exposed. We pray that deception will be exposed.”
But I choose not to respond to the news about Rev. Haggard with gloating or with self-righteous indignation. I remember the words of Jesus (“Let the one without sin cast the first stone”) and I choose to respond with prayer:
prayer that Rev. Ted Haggard will experience true healing in his life and learn to accept himself as God created him to be;
prayer that Rev. Haggard’s wife and 5 children will find love and support from their faith community, not exclusion;
prayer that others leading double lives will see the tragedy of this story and choose to come out of their own closets of self-hatred and shame.
posted by Darrell Grizzle | 11:50 AM
6 Comments:
Mr. Haggard may be a moderate in terms of fag bashing, but he still plays the game. The modern Jesus/Bible worship experience has been twisted by its hate of homosexuals. All this talk about "defending marriage" and "hate the sin love the sinner"...that is all talk.The bottom line is that Christianity is homophobic. That is the sin here, and one that few have denounced.
What you say about others is a reflection of yourself. And when it is said "in the name of Jesus", it is a reflection on him as well.
How we choose to think of Ted...says a lot about where we are on our path to realization...
...I canot judge the man, only hold him in the light, knowing who he really is ( a child of God, Divinity itsef).
What we think come back to us... (A reminder to myself).
Peace & healing to Ted & his family.
Bravo. In a way, this could turn out to be a good thing for the Christian community if Ted figures out being gay is nothing to be ashamed of, and then talks about it.
Darrell -
I've made a huge boo-boo and (perhaps) deleted my old blog. It's a long story, don't ask. At any rate, I would appreciate all of my blogger friends to update their links and - if you want - even make short post on your site about the site change (for any readers that may come from your sites). I may eventually move back to trevdiesel.blogspot.com IF I can get it working again. Until then, it will be: trev-diesel.blogspot.com
Darrell-
Thank you for your kind and honest reflections. My the answer never be condemnation and always be LOVE.
Goodness shines like the evening star. It is sad that people often choose to bring darkness into their lives and the lives of their innocent loved ones.
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