Healing Continues

My dad has been moved from the Critical Care Unit into a regular hospital room, at Northside Cherokee Hospital in Canton, GA. He is now able to breathe on his own. Thank you for keeping him in your prayers!

Below: a turtle, slowly but steadily crossing the road yesterday in Jasper, GA

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Dad in Hospital - Condition Improving Today

Tuesday: A good day, gratefully appreciated after a bad day yesterday. My father, Lloyd Grizzle, is improving today. The infection and swelling in his abdomen (from acute pancreatitis, a severely inflamed pancreas) has decreased, and the infected fluids continue to drain from his body. He is still in a lot of pain, and today he was given a pain patch in addition to the morphine he is on. He is still not able to eat solid foods – he is receiving nutrition intravenously – but he says he is not experiencing hunger. As soon as he is able to breathe on his own, he will be moved out of the Critical Care Unit into a regular hospital room. Let’s pray that will be very soon.

I continue to be blessed by the prayers and messages of support I receive here. I can’t express how grateful I am for the many friends and cyberfriends whose prayers and healing energy are sustaining my father and my family.

~ Darrell
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Dad in Hospital - Condition is Now Worse

Monday evening: My father's condition has worsened. All the good things we saw in the last two days have come undone. The infection, which had lessened, has now increased. His abdomen is now swollen to over twice its normal size. He is still unable to breathe on his own.

Dad in Hospital - Still Critical, But Improving

My dad remains in critical condition in the CCU at Cherokee Northside Hospital in Canton, GA, but his situation has definitely improved. The swelling and infection in his abdomen (from the actute pancreatitis) have lessened, and the doctors are now saying that his pancreas is inflamed, not damaged. (Earlier they had said that parts of his pancreas had been “destroyed.”)

On Wednesday, the doctors were using phrases like “if he makes it through the night” and “if he survives” – now they are using phrases like “when the swelling goes down” and “when he goes home.” He still needs to have gall bladder surgery, when the swelling goes down. He is still using a bipap mask to help him breathe. His kidney function continues to improve, so he does not need the dialysis machines as the doctors had predicted.

I was grateful that my dear friend Tom Livengood, pastor of The Living Room Church, came by for a visit yesterday with my brother Jason, my sister-in-law Janet, and me, in the CCU waiting room. I deeply appreciate Tom’s love and support, as well as all of the wonderfully kind messages I have received from my friends on Facebook, my blog, the Whosoever and Gentle Spirit email lists (thanks to Candace Chellew-Hodge and Pastor Paul Turner), the Gay Spirit Visions email list, the Sufi Atlanta email list, and many other friends and cyberfriends.

With much love and gratefulness ~
Darrell
Grateful Bear

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Prayer Request: Dad in ICU

My father is in the ICU at Piedmont Mountainside Hospital in Jasper, GA, and I will be driving up to Jasper this afternoon to be with my mother. They are treating him for peritonitis and gallstones. They are calling in 3 specialists to test for other possible problems, including pancreatic cancer.

This is one of the reasons I am grateful for Facebook: within 2 minutes (literally) of posting this in my status bar, I received 4 messages of support from cyberfriends around the world: Atlanta & Savannah, GA; South Africa; London, England. I very much appreciate the messages and also any prayers and healing energy you can send my way today.

Please keep my dad, Lloyd Grizzle, in your prayers and on any prayer lists at your respective churches, healing circles, and other faith communities.

~ Darrell

Update, Thursday, July 10: My dad remains in critical condition in the ICU. He is being treated "aggressively" for acute pancreatitis. His abdomen is severely swollen and is being drained of gas and infection. He needs to have surgery as soon as possible to remove gallstones but he would not survive surgery at this time.

Update, Friday, July 11: My dad has been transported to another hospital, in case dialysis machines are needed. So far, his kidneys are still functioning, so he is not yet on dialysis. The doctors do not expect him to live, but he is not surrendering to their prognosis. He is still aware and communicative, although it's difficult for him to talk because of the bipap breathing mask helping him to breathe. His abdomen is still severely swollen, but much of the fluid has been drained.

My pastor, Paul Turner (Gentle Spirit Christian Church), came and prayed with my father yesterday, along with my mother, my dad's sister, and me. Dad seemed very grateful for Pastor Paul's presence and his prayers, and he even smiled at one of Pastor Paul's jokes. Paul spent a lot of time with my mother and me and helped greatly to ease my mother's fears.

Please keep Lloyd Grizzle in your prayers. He is in the Critical Care Unit at Northside Cherokee Hospital, Canton, GA. I remain deeply grateful for all of my friends and cyberfriends, literally around the world, who are praying for my dad.

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Deadheads for Obama

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BookLog: We the Purple

The Baptist megachurch near my home routinely flies an enormous American flag, about the size of my car, on a tall flagpole in front of the church. There’s usually a much smaller “Christian flag” underneath it, almost as an afterthought. This weekend, though, being the 4th of July weekend, the church has pulled out all the stops. I counted 30 full-sized American flags flying in front of the church yesterday afternoon, in addition to the enormous one. Only two crosses were visible, making the flag-to-cross ratio 31:2. The “Christian flag” was removed, perhaps because the board of deacons thought it might distract from the display of patriotism. Or perhaps because people might get the wrong idea about what is really being worshipped there. (Hint: It ain’t the Jesus of the Gospels, who gave his disciples a non-violent alternative to the ruling empire of his day.)

It bothers me when politicians try to co-opt the church. I know a small-town politician who does not attend church except for the six months prior to re-election time, when she suddenly becomes a Sunday school teacher.

But it bothers me even more when the church tries to co-opt the state. I’m bothered when the church, either on the right or on the left, tries to present its views as wedded to the teachings of faith. So when I saw the cover of Marcia Ford’s new book, We the Purple: Faith, Politics, and the Independent Voter, the part about being “tired of partisanship in the church” really appealed to me. The text on the cover reads:



Marcia Ford (check out her blog, also called We the Purple) writes about voters across the political spectrum who are no longer thinking in terms of Democrat vs. Republican, or even liberal vs. conservative. Ford writes about the growing numbers of independent voters who are actually thinking about individual issues and no longer buying in to the “package deals” offered by the two party platforms.

I have Catholic friends, for example, who call themselves consistently pro-life – they are against abortion, but they are also against the death penalty and the war in Iraq. They don’t fit neatly into either the conservative or the liberal camps.

Ford’s book offers a number of profiles of independent voters she has interviewed. She also examines statistics about current voting trends and takes a look at the problems with our current election system (including electronic voting machines). She talks about the growing number of young voters, for whom some issues, like gay marriage, are simply not issues at all. Gay marriage? Why not? Unlike their parents, younger voters “just can’t get all riled up about it,” says Ford. She believes that in time, “same-sex marriage will be legalized, due to a combination of aggressive activism by gay rights advocates, indifference on the part of the electorate, and issue-fatigue among evangelicals and other conservatives who are simply tired of the rhetoric.”

Ford also writes about the issue of abortion, which along with gay marriage is one of the two major concerns of evangelical Christian voters (at least the older ones). She gives fair treatment to issues on both sides of the debate, talking about women she has known “whose conscience – not James Dobson or Pope Benedict XVI – tells them abortion is wrong, and women whose conscience – not NARAL or Planned Parenthood – tells them abortion is a difficult solution to a difficult situation.”

One particularly intriguing chapter of We the Purple is “The Pew Distrust,” which starts off by quoting Gregory Boyd (“Jesus never allowed himself to be defined by the political conflicts of the day, and neither should we”) and ends with a look at the Emergent Church movement as a possible “spiritual home for independents” (a section based on an earlier article by Ford for explorefaith.org, one of my favorite websites).

We the Purple is an informative and encouraging look at an increasing movement of independent voters who examine their consciences rather than parroting a party line. It’s good summer time reading for this season as the 4th of July fireworks die down and the presidential campaigns heat up.

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Krishna Das Concert Review

The great guys at RockOm asked me to write a review of the Krishna Das concert I attended in Atlanta on Monday, June 30. Here it is.

Return from Tybee Island

I'm back from a 4-day sojourn with my friend Donnie to Tybee Island and Savannah, sunburnt lobster-red on both arms and part of one leg. The highlight of the trip was having lunch with two blog-friends that I have known for several years through email and phone calls but had never actually met in person until now. Here we are on River Street, three of the world's greatest bloggers: Tommy/Isaiah (isaiah knows nothing), Grateful Bear, Trev Diesel (The Sound of Diesel Musing). Tommy and Trev, along with another of the world's greatest bloggers, Jon Zuck (The Wild Things of God), are part of a great new website about music and spirituality, RockOm. Check it out!

Here are a few scenes of Tybee Island, including me in the motel pool, squinting in the sunlight. The top photo is from the back deck of Cafe Loco, my favorite restaurant on Tybee Island (the arrow pointing into the water says "Our Shrimp come from Here"):



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Peter Rollins: Nothing Remains the Same

When Jesus spoke of being “born again” he was not referring to some proposition that could be considered through logic, religious sermons, Bible reading, or through some kind of reflection on religious experience; rather he was speaking of an event that opens up a whole new world of experience. Religious experience, in its fundamental form, is not then an experience at all but rather a counter-experience, one that transforms our mode of being in the world rather than being reduced to some strange feeling. With the incoming of this truth nothing necessarily changes in the physical world, no new object enters our horizon. But in its aftermath the person is never the same again, for everything has changed. This luminous life can never be captured, contained, or pulled apart; it is lived. This event in which nothing changes is an event so radical that nothing remains the same.

~ Peter Rollins, in The Fidelity of Betrayal

BookLog: Porn Nation

As a therapist I’ve been seeing more and more clients whose lives have been impacted by an obsession with internet pornography. I’ve seen clients who sit for up to 8 hours at a time in front of the computer screen, viewing porn, and I’ve seen clients whose partners have become distant and alienated because of their addiction to internet porn. So I was very interested to read this book, Porn Nation: Conquering America’s #1 Addiction by Michael Leahy, and to see if it might be useful in helping clients deal with this very real problem.

Porn Nation is a strange hybrid of a book. It’s part memoir, in which Leahy tells how his addiction to internet porn escalated into other behaviors and eventually destroyed his marriage. And it’s also part self-help guide, with some very useful information about recognizing the progression of pornography obsession and breaking the cycle of addiction. But it’s also part diatribe about the evils of our “sex-saturated society” – not too surprising, given that the book’s publisher, Northfield, is associated with the fundamentalist Moody Bible Institute.

I respect the author of Porn Nation, Michael Leahy, for his openness and candor in telling the story of his own struggle with internet pornography. He pulls no punches and leaves out no embarrassing detail, from his first accidental masturbation experience to his increasing obsession with pornography – and on to engaging in “peeping tom” behavior, cheating on his wife, and eventually alienating his family and divorcing his wife. He talks candidly about the pain he caused his wife and children, and even includes excerpts from his ex-wife’s journal (presumably with her permission) about how deeply she was wounded by his behavior.

Leahy also writes honestly about the long road to recovery from his addiction. The answer he found was in a “faith-based” (code for evangelical Christian) support group that defined healthy sexuality as only existing within the context of monogamous heterosexual marriage. That worked just fine for Leahy, but it’s no solution at all for those of us who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender – or unwilling to buy into an evangelical Christian worldview that views sex as basically evil.

That view of sex comes through most tellingly when Leahy writes about the progression of sex addiction and introduces “a new term – sexual compulsivity syndrome, or ‘Sex Syndrome’ for short” (page 138). He goes on to equate ‘sexual compulsivity’ with ‘sex’ itself, in a very important section of his book. This is more than just a matter of semantics. Words matter. Leahy’s words reveal the anti-sex bias inherent in the evangelical Christian worldview. (To be fair, that anti-sex bias can be found in every other world religion as well.)

I do not believe pornography or erotica itself, as long as it is without coercion and between consenting adults, is inherently bad (although it can definitely be misused, or used compulsively, by some). I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU who still believes in the First Amendment. So I’m sure Leahy would lump me in with the “academicians and sex workers alike [who] will defend their conviction that there isn’t enough wide-open sexuality yet to liberate our repressive society” (page 113). Leahy goes on to dismiss that caricaturized view without serious consideration. He goes on at length to lament our “sex-saturated society,” mentioning, at one point, one of my favorite TV shows, Sex and the City.

But even though Leahy misguidedly equates “sexual compulsivity” with sex itself in his discussion of “Sex Syndrome,” I believe the syndrome he describes is an accurate portrayal of what many sex addicts go through. As a therapist, I appreciate Leahy’s emphasis on the need for total honesty, accepting responsibility, and confronting the core beliefs underlying sex addiction. And I appreciate his lengthy references to Dr. Patrick Carnes, a well-respected expert who has outlined the indicators of sexual addiction (discussed in detail in Chapter 12 of Porn Nation, “Am I a Sex Addict?”).

So would I recommend Porn Nation? Yes, but only to a very limited clientele:

1. Those who already hold to the evangelical Christian worldview and who need help understanding sex addiction, either for themselves or their loved ones;

2. Those who want to read a compelling personal account of one man’s struggle with – and recovery from – an obsession with internet pornography.

For everyone else who is struggling with this issue, there are better alternatives available.

(By the way, Sex and the City: The Movie was absolutely fabulous – it was like an extended episode of the series, with its main theme being the importance of forgiveness. Very enjoyable.)

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Rumi: Since I Nourish a Seed Named Love

i am no lion
to overpower my enemies
winning over myself
if i can
is enough

though i’m of lowly earth
since i nourish a seed
named love
i’ll grow
lilies of the field

when i’m pitch-black
lamenting separation
i know for sure
i will break through
spreading light on the dark night

i am on fire inside
but look grim outside
since i want to rise
like smoke through my cell

i am a child
whose teacher is love
surely my master
won't let me grow
to be a fool

~ the Sufi poet/mystic Rumi, ghazal number 1523

translated by Nader Khalili
in the book Rumi: Fountain of Fire

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Communion in the Rubble

My friend Dan Ra has posted a blog entry about last Sunday night's service at The Living Room, an Emergent Christian church that meets at Tilt Coffeehouse in Atlanta. He has included some photos of the communion service we held in an abandoned lot, following a prayer walk through the downtown Atlanta neighborhood of Castleberry Hills. Check out Dan's blog entry.

Above: Donnie Ray, playing the flute at the beginning of the prayer walk

Below: Grateful Bear

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Lesson

the cat sits
and watches the trees
and the birds and the flowers
outside the window

while lesser beings
sit
and watch TV


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The Gospel of Judas, Continued

For all you Gnostic Gospel Geeks (G3) like myself, here are two recent and worthwhile articles about the continuing controversy over The Gospel of Judas:

Betrayed by the Media: GetReligion blogger Mollie Ziegler takes a look at a recent analysis by The Chronicle of Higher Education

The Case for Judas, Continued: Harold Attridge reviews two books about Judas for The New York Review of Books

Kato the Gnostic Cat appears unconcerned about the controversy. He is calmly doing his morning yoga routine on the sofa.

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Weekend in the Mountains

Above: Kanuga Conference Center in Hendersonville, NC

Below: Table Rock State Park, South Carolina

Obama Statement on California Marriage Decision

The Obama campaign released the following statement today on the decision of the California Supreme Court:

"Barack Obama has always believed that same-sex couples should enjoy equal rights under the law, and he will continue to fight for civil unions as President. He respects the decision of the California Supreme Court, and continues to believe that states should make their own decisions when it comes to the issue of marriage."

On the issue of constitutional amendments, Senator Obama has been on record for some time: He opposes all divisive and discriminatory constitutional amendments, state or federal. That includes the proposed amendments in California and Florida.

Tobias Barrington Wolff

Chair, National LGBT Policy Committee

Obama for America '08

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Smiling Bear

Bear’s Diverse Downloads

Recently downloaded from eMusic (from high-brow to low-brow):

Heavenly Harmonies: Music of Thomas Tallis & William Byrd,
by Stile Antico
Ginsberg’s Thing, by Allen Ginsberg (out-of-print spoken word album)
Free Somehow, by Widespread Panic
Backwoods Barbie, by Dolly Parton

All downloaded for $14.99, as part of my monthly subscription to eMusic.

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Healing Retreat

I had a wonderful time at my church’s retreat this past weekend. I had been asked to share on Saturday morning and afternoon about healing and renewal, which was appropriate given our location at a small retreat center and farm in south Georgia. Springtime renewal was happening all around us! It was wonderful to spend so much time outdoors in nature. It was also great to spend time with other members of the church, swimming, sharing meals together, just hanging out.

I had prepared enough material to do a day-long workshop on spiritual healing, and as it turned out, I didn’t use any of it. Our workshop time turned into an extended discussion, with most of the participants sharing deeply personal stories and insights from their own lives. I did manage to coordinate the discussion around some of the biblical passages I’d marked, stories of Jesus healing the sick (Matthew 8:1-4, Mark 3:1-5, Luke 5:17-26, John 9:1-7). Each story seemed to spark further discussion and further sharing. I think we all left with a deeper understanding of Jesus and his healing work, and we also gained a deeper understanding of each other. I never cease to be amazed at how complex, how insightful, and how wonderful the folks are at Gentle Spirit Christian Church!

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Earth Day 2008

Invoking Uncle Walt

As we celebrate Earth Day (April 22), let us invoke Walt Whitman, who wrote:

Smile O voluptuous coolbreathed earth!
Earth of the slumbering and liquid trees!
Earth of departed sunset! Earth of the mountains misty-top!
Earth of vitreous pour of the full moon just tinged with blue!
Earth of shine and dark mottling the tide of the river!
Earth of the limpid gray of clouds brighter and clearer for my sake! Far-swooping elbowed earth! Rich apple-blossomed earth!
Smile, for your lover comes!

~ Leaves of Grass, 1855

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A List of Random Gratefulness

1. Riding around in my PT Cruiser convertible with the top down (pollen be damned!)

2. The wonderful people participating in the Sufi Healing Circle for Earth Day, this Sunday (April 20) at 2 pm at Freedom Park in Atlanta (hope you can join us!)

3. Funplex, the new CD of sublimely shallow post-punk party-pop from The B-52’s

4. The graceful way the cat does yoga

5. The intensely green leaves of the giant oak trees in Marietta Square, seen against the deep rich blue of the late-afternoon sky

6. Roman Catholic geckos who would pray the Rosary if only they had opposable thumbs

7. Good friends, good coffee, and good conversation (what more do you need?)

Photo by Fran McColman – many thanks and much love, Fran!

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Daily Caffeine Protects the Brain

Coffee may cut the risk of dementia by blocking the damage cholesterol can inflict on the body, research suggests. The drink has already been linked to a lower risk of Alzheimer's Disease...

Here's the story from BBC News.

Thanks to Coffee Mystics member Sujatin Johnson for posting this link!

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Movie: “The Nines”

My brain is still reeling from watching The Nines, a mind-bending movie that defies genre. Released in August 2007 in a limited number of theatres, it has recently been released on DVD. Part comedy, part sci-fi thriller, part satire of reality television (and reality itself), it’s a remarkable film that interweaves three stories together in a way I haven’t seen since Pulp Fiction.

The best review of the movie that I’ve found is on the gay blog After Elton – unlike other reviews on the web, this review by Brian Juergens doesn’t give away the ending or attempt to answer the unanswered questions the movie raises.

Yes, the After Elton review does focus on the movie’s star, Ryan Reynolds, and that fact that he is a “himbo” – especially in the first of the movie’s three parts, in which Ryan plays a blond sun-bronzed TV star who has obviously been spending a lot of time at the gym.

(Ryan actually turns out to be a good actor, not just a pretty himbo. Who knew? He does a great job playing three very different characters, as does Melissa McCarthy.)

I think The Nines can be grouped alongside other metaphysical films like I Heart Huckabee’s (one of my favorites!), Being John Malkovich, and A Scanner Darkly – movies that entertain you but also leave you asking existential questions and wondering about the true nature of reality. This movie takes “you create your own reality” to a whole new level. I found myself deconstructing myself after watching the movie.

If you haven’t seen The Nines, I highly recommend it. Let me know what you think of it! If you post any comments about the movie here, be careful not to spoil the ending for those who haven’t seen it.

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Resurrection

The Sufis are fond of saying, “Die before death and resurrect now.” We are all dying every moment, dying to our own fears, our own false concepts of ourselves, our own limitations. But we know this already, haven’t we been told? Let us die willingly and resurrect gloriously, spiraling into the future, consciously joining all those who believe and trust in the ultimate goodness of humanity, and serving with love and patience those who do not.

~ Theresa King,

in The Spiral Path: Explorations in Women’s Spirituality

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“If Jesus is the once and for all sacrifice for sin, understood metaphorically now [not literally], it means that God has already taken care of whatever it is that we think separates us from God. It means that God accepts us just as we are and that the Christian life is not about getting right with God. God’s already taken care of that. The Christian life becomes about something else, namely, living within this framework of radical trust in God and relationship to God that makes possible our transformation, and, ideally and ultimately, the transformation of the world.”

~ Marcus Borg, from explorefaith.org

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[Jesus] uttered a triumphant cry: “It is accomplished!” and it was as though he had said: “Everything has begun!”

~ Nikos Kazantzakis, in The Last Temptation of Christ

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Sound a trumpet through all the earth.

Our Morning Star is alive!

Risen in splendour, He is among us;

The darkness is driven back.

We, His people, join in the dance of all creation.

~ An Easter prayer

from the Celtic Christian Northumbrian Community

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I called through your door,

“The mystics are gathering

in the street. Come out!”

“Leave me alone.

I’m sick.”

“I don’t care if you're dead!

Jesus is here, and he wants

to resurrect somebody!”

~ the Sufi poet and mystic Rumi (A.D. 1207 - 1273),
from The Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks

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The Easter Card above is from explorefaith.org

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Independence Weekend

This weekend, Palm Sunday weekend, marks the 13th anniversary of my spiritual independence. It was on Palm Sunday weekend in 1995 that I “came out of the closet” and acknowledged to myself and to the world that I am what God created me to be – a gay man.

It took a long time to admit that, especially to myself. The process of self-acceptance had started a few months earlier, at a small, midweek Advent service at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in Atlanta. The rector at that time, the Rev. Spenser Simrill, introduced me to a prayer, and a way of praying, that forever changed the way I saw God and the way I related to God. Instead of preaching a homily at that service, Spenser had us sit in silence for about five minutes and suggested that we coordinate this prayer with our breathing, like a mantra:

Gentle loving God, Mother of my soul, hold me as Your own.

Then, he led us on an Ignatian journey into whatever in our lives was causing us pain. For me, that was my sexuality, which had caused me such conflict and turmoil for so many years. Spenser invited us to experience the pain fully, grounded in the knowledge that we were safe in the arms of our gentle loving God. And then he asked us to consider if there were any way we could accept whatever was causing our pain as a gift.

The idea of my sexuality as a gift from God was overwhelming. I had been brought up to believe that homosexuality was a sin, an abomination before God. I had never fully loved myself because I could never fully admit to myself who I really was. And yet, that cold winter night in the middle of Advent, I realized for the first time in my life that God really did love me, “just as I am” as the old hymn says. And my sexuality was part of the me that God accepted. For the first time in my life I could feel God, the gentle loving God, Mother of my soul, hold me as Her own. And I began to open my heart to the idea of my sexuality as a gift, not something to be ashamed of.

That following Palm Sunday weekend I sat in the office of the Rev. Dr. John Westerhoff at St. Luke’s and spoke out loud about my sexuality. The earth did not open and swallow me; thunder did not strike. Instead, this respected theologian, this grey-haired, wizard-like priest told me that my sin was not experiencing same-sex attraction; my real sin had been not accepting God’s love for me as God had created me. My own self-hatred had been a perverse form of pride, telling God, “No, you're wrong – I’m not worth loving.”

My penance was this: John directed me to read Isaiah 43:1-7, every morning for however many days it took for me to believe it – to really believe it:

...thus says the Lord...I have called you by name, you are mine...

...because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you...

It took a little over a month of reading this passage every day for my self-hatred, my tortured pride, to crumble and for me to finally accept that God does love me, just as I am.

I’ve recently come to appreciate that passage of scripture as it is paraphrased in The Message:

But now, God’s Message,
the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end –
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

“So don’t be afraid: I’m with you.
I’ll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I’ll send orders north and south:
‘Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.’”

I still have days when my old way of thinking intrudes. I sometimes read scripture and see it through the eyes of the fundamentalist Baptist I once was, rather than through the lens of God’s love and acceptance. But now I know the truth. And each day as I pray this prayer, “Gentle loving God, Mother of my soul, hold me as Your own,” in rhythm with my breathing, I allow the prayer to center me, to ground me in God’s grace. And I allow myself to feel God’s loving arms around me, holding me secure, never letting go.

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